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Resolved Question: Do I have depression?
Ok, I'm 25 years old and I come from the north east of England, I'm not a typical person, I'm in to video games, anime, modelling, nerdy stuff. I've never really had many friends, when I lived in the north east I had a friend or two in secondary school, and college, and I've had one constant friend I met online who lives in London, who I visited on a regular basis. I've been through several jobs, I spent four years working for currys/pc world, where I was treated like scum and verbally abused on a daily basis. I then went to games workshop, and was fired for being too shy, I then went to orange and quit after six months because I was offered a much higher paid job in London as a software tester.
So I moved to London and moved in with my friend who I mentioned earlier, I've been here for four months, made friends with a lot of his friends and have a social life for the first time ever. The other day I lost my job with no real reason given, I came very close to walking into an underground station and throwing myself under a train.
Since then the friend I'm living with is having random mood swings, I can't honestly tell if he wants me here anymore, he's pushing all his old friends away in favor of new friends, which leaves me no other choice than to move back home, back to my friendless existence.
To add to the list of problems, a few days after losing my job I received news that my father who left my mother when I was 3, never really bothered with me, and have always hated, has been arrested and charged with having underage sex with my step sister (his daughter) when she was 15 and that one of her children is his. Just having his blood in me makes me feel like sick.
I have no job, I'm incapable of getting a girlfriend because I'm too shy, the only friends I have are in London and I can't afford to stay here and my father is a disgusting paedophile. I keep thinking about how I have no real reason to live, I know there are people far worse off than I am, I have a loving family (at least on my mothers and step-fathers side), and the friends I have here in london do care about me. But I can't help but feel like a waste of space and a failure all the time, everything I try to do I fail at because I have no social skills, I couldn't even begin to imagine how to ask someone out on a date, or to find my own friends, it feels like I've been cursed since day one.
It's getting to the point where, unless I'm sat in front of a computer game or otherwise preoccupied, I'm constantly thinking about it, and it always ends with me feeling like it'd be easier for me to just end it although I'd probably never do it.
I honestly don't know why I'm posting this up here, is this depression, should I seek medical advice, and even if I do, can they actually help me?
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